Laurie Kilmartin

TV: Tough Crowd Sketches

I wrote for Comedy Central's "Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn" for 2 years, these are a few of my sketches.

The Untouchables

As Rich Vos threatened to become Tough Crowd's first breakout star (thanks to Last Comic Standing), this parody of The Untouchables "team" scene felt appropriate.

The makeup/wardrobe and set people really kicked ass. Colin was perfect as deNiro, and Nick diPaolo, Jim Norton, Greg Giraldo, Rich Vos and Keith Robinson looked exactly like gangsters.

The Misadventures of Kid Quinn

Colin reads from his new children's book, The Misadventures of Kid Quinn, only to find out the publisher went PC on the facts.

A mother of one of our child actors pulled her kid out of the show when she got a copy of the script. I say you're never too young to learn about trannies.

Gentleman Jim

Colin teaches Jim Norton how to behave like a gentleman.

Props to head writer Ken Ober, for riffing the best line during read-through. "As long as I have a face, you'll always have..." etc.

Jim Norton is a great comic actor- he never tries to look cool. The girl, comic Shauna Lane, did a wonderful job of matching Jim's energy even though she had virtually no lines.

Iraqi Metal jacket

This Full Metal Jacket parody starred Colin as drill instructor Hartman, and Jim Norton, Greg Giraldo and Rich Vos as Iraqi Army recruits. They all did a great job.

God and Allah

Colin sits down with two of our biggest deities, God and Allah, to get their perspective on the Middle East.

We could not get a Muslim actor to play Allah, but the Italian guy who did was awesome.This one didn't kill in the studio, but Colin told me he was really proud of it. That was good enough for me.

Citizenship Test

With the help of an Indian immigrant, Colin gives the United States Citizenship test to Patrice, Keith and Jim. This is classic Tough Crowd- all the elements are in place, then it completely derails.

America Kane

Colin explains that the world is a soap opera, and America is its Erica Kane.

This was a monitor piece, written by me and Bryan Tucker. (He's at SNL now!) The illustrations were great.

The Arafat Roast

Mary Fitzgerald, Bruce Cherry and I wrote this roast for Yassir Arafat, who was retiring from the PLO. Colin was Yassir, and Greg, Patrice, Dom Irerra and Lewis Black were the roasters.

Bruce is now writing for Air America, and Mary went on to write for Lucky Louie.