My Tina Fey envy is eating me alive
It's all in the headline, people. Angelina Jolie does not have it all, Tina Fey does. Created and still writes her own show, respek!, an Emmy. Oh, and her first screenplay got produced. I am either inspired or paralyzed, depending on my self esteem that day.
One week until my kid comes home. His birthday party was at a Chuck E. Cheese in Texas, which disturbs me. I'm afraid a terrorist will see a picture of my son and a giant rat, yukking it up like gangstas over Crystal and pizza, and be reminded of why he hates America.
KilBaby looks gigantic. He's walking, jumping in his crib, eating big-people food. I hope he remembers his old mom.
I learned iMovie
I made a baby movie. So what? I have a baby. If you don't like it, feel free to roll your eyes somewhere else. Here's PerezHilton.com. He draws semen on famous people's mouths. Hip enough for you? Good, cause I make baby movies. So there.
Alot can happen in a year…
I'm in the midst of three horrific travel days. I had to take two personal days from the pro site. That's how we corporate types are, Reader. Personal days, IRA deductions. I finally sent off my scripts, with final notes incorporated. Either Comedy Central pays me to produce them or not. PLEASE BABY JESUS, HAVE MERCY ON ME!! But they're off my plate. Feels good. I pitched them in January and it's been back and forth ever since. And if the scripts go unproduced, I can buy them back and shop them elsewhere. But, c'mon Comedy Central. Let's be in business. My nights and weekends are free, and I have 5 sick days (plus a vacation) burning a hole in my pocket.
I'm starting to enjoy standup again. I don't know why, maybe some pressure is lifting? I had a baby about a year ago, and he's still alive! How many times did I hit his head with my cast, drop him, fish pennies from his throat, pull electrical cords from his mouth or, once, find him face down in bathwater? (I grabbed him, ready to give mouth to mouth, but he coughed and immediately tried to do it again.) Next Saturday, Kilbaby will have survived a full year as my son. How did he do it? Way to go Kilbaby, only 17 more til I'm off the hook!
30 minutes old...
and 11 months later:
Of course, Hugo's mom says it so much better.
Guilt and Taxes
So, KilBaby is living it up in Texas. I know he misses me, because I miss him. And we are a team. I'm making the most of my alone time. Last week, I finished my taxes, this week, it's a script. And for the first time in almost a year, I do not feel guilty.
Most nights, I scurry home to be with KilBaby. He's been with a stranger all day, I'm a terrible mother. If I have a spot and I'm leaving him again, with another stranger, just hours after I get home- terrible mother. If I don't have a spot and I want to collapse on the couch... t.m.
Since he's been born, I've felt this way. I still have big dreams, I still have selfish ambitions, even though this baby needs me.
When I feel guilty, I can't look the person in the eye. I wonder if I'm doing that with my own son. Averting my eyes, hoping he doesn't notice that I'm a terrible mother. I want to have a different mindset when he returns. Who wants to live with a guilt-ridden mother for 18 years? It's no fun for either of us.
Us, in August.
Finally, a few days to myself
Sure is lonely around here. Kilbaby took two steps. He does that alot, I hear. He's in Texas with Dad and Grandparents, and Mom's in New York. He stands for 5 seconds at a time, lowers himself. Takes two steps, lowers himself. When I see him in three weeks, he'll be able to run to me. And he'll be a year old.
I am short tempered. The pro website has not launched yet and I wonder what I have been spending my time on. Life is short. Time is precious, hours are not to be wasted, but they are, including the last two I spent on a message board.
Electronics ruin everything. I have an iPod that charges on occasion. My MacBook turns off, with no warning. It has been repaired three times already. I'm too tired to return to the Genius Bar. You got me, Apple, you won. I'll just keep losing material and re-booting. A few weeks ago, I got food poisoning at a college. A kid was walking towards me, so to avoid vomiting on him, I opened my purse and threw up on my cellphone, on my miniDisc recorder. $350.00, drowned because of a fruit cup from a Wawa. If I had to do it all over again, I'd aim for the kid. He's in college, he probably threw up on himself earlier that day.
I finally have a printer. I had to return an Epson three times. Their solution was switched me over to a cheaper model with less features. It works, but Epson did not refund the difference. Also, the ink I bought for the first model doesn't work in the second model. Epson sucks, and if I can persuade one reader to buy a printer from anyone but Epson, it still won't have been worth it. Between tech calls for the printer, the cable (it's out all the time), my online bank and the computer, I have spoken to more Indians than Gandhi.
Sure is lonely around here.